THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE ADDRESSED

Sometimes we get very angry with the way some guys address us. Some ladies insult guys in return when they can no longer contain the insults. But before we start raining abusive words on those guys let’s check ourselves. How do we dress? I know that if some of us are given the opportunity, we will wear bikini to our offices and even wear only under wears to the market.

Let me ask you, have you seen a mad person before? maybe in Home Videos... Am sure you know how a mad person dresses. It’s really not because the mad person doesn't have something to wear, it’s actually because she has a mental illness. A mad person can decide to walk around naked; this is because the mind of that person isn't working normally.

            But look at you, God has been good to you. You are sound and you are not mentally ill. So why dress like someone who is sick all in the name of fashion. Why expose sensitive parts of your body because you want to attract the opposite sex. Let me tell you a simple truth, it is not until you expose all your body before a man gets attracted to you.

            The reason why some men address us anyhow is because of the way we are dressed. If you dress like a harlot or prostitute, you will be addressed as one. If you dress decently, you will be approached in a decent manner.

  You can be simple and elegant in your dressing. Exposing your body reduces your value. Dress well so that you can be addressed in a good manner......CHEERS

VIRGINITY

A virgin is a person who has never had sex, a person with no sexual experience. Sex is a physical activity between two people in which they touch each other’s sexual organs which may include sexual intercourse.

            Virginity is a state of being a virgin. Back in the ancient times, Ladies/girls are disciplined in a strict way. The African culture demands that a lady remains a virgin until she gets married. A lady who cannot hold herself was advised to get married. Well that was then.

            Civilization has taken place now and things have changed. Virginity is no longer in vogue. People now engage in sexual activities without any feeling of guilt or anyone correcting them.

            To the ladies, I really want to say that we should keep ourselves and remain a virgin until we get married. I believe there is time for everything. I understand that some ladies are not longer virgins due to some reasons. I know that some were raped or molested when they were young and they lost their virginity in the process. But I will like to say that this is not enough reason for you to now involve yourself in diverse forms of sexual immorality. It won’t help you instead it will destroy you.

            To some ladies who claim that they are virgins but engage in series of sexual activities with the opposite sex but do not allow penetration. The only thing that qualifies them as a virgin is their hymen which has not been broken. I ask a question what kind of virgin are you? FAKE ONE I GUESS

            The Bible says that our body is the temple of God. Only clean things are laid on the temple of God. No filthy things are allowed to be placed on it. Only pure things are laid on it. If your body is truly God’s temple, you won’t allow anyone to feast on it or experiment on it.

           Do not allow any past incidence about how you lose your virginity to affect you. Move on with life by keeping yourself. Do not give any man opportunity to defile you or use you. Do not sell your body in exchange for money thinking you don’t have anything to lose. There is no crime waiting. Wait for the right man. A right man won’t ask you for sex or touch your body if he truly loves you. Abstain from any form of sexual sins.

            Note that men out there want to marry decent women. They want a woman with a high moral standard to be their wife and the mother of their children. Never think that being a virgin is a disease. Sex is worth waiting for. Don’t allow any man to steal your pride away from you with cheap words. YOUR VIRGINITY IS YOUR PRIDE; YOUR BODY IS GOD’S TEMPLE…             

OPENNESS

Openness is the quality of being honest and not hiding information or feelings. It is also the quality of being able to think about, accept, and listen to different ideas or people; the quality of not being confined or covered.

            Ladies, let’s be sincere to ourselves here. Majority of us are not open. We have trained ourselves not to talk, share or listen to people especially same sex and this is affecting us. Remember one of the previous posts titled SCREAM OUT. How many of us have been able to scream out?

            Pride goes before a fall and many of our ladies out there are falling due to pride. We believe so much in ourselves that we are so confined and covered. We do not speak out or share our issues with fellow friends. We have groomed ourselves to keep quiet in every situation.

            Being open doesn't make you cheap, instead it makes you know more; it enlightens you and increases your knowledge on different situations. Using myself as an example, in the past, I thought being open was something bad because I always feel that people will always take advantage of me because of my kind of person. But now I know better. Being open has given me an added advantage of learning things from people around. Many people confide in me because they know am not confined in my ways. I have been able to learn from others due to my openness.

Many ladies out there are dying inside, they are hurting. They are scared of being betrayed by people. Let me tell you, if you confide in someone and the person betrays you, it gives you the opportunity to know that the person isn't

worth being a friend. But when you are open, it creates an avenue to know more about people around you. It helps you to also amend your ways through the things you learn from them. Never under estimate anyone because the person whom you think you can’t be open to might just be the person who has the solution to that problem.

            Many ladies have committed suicide due to some bitter experience they have encounter in their relationship. This is because they conceal the problems in their heart. They refuse to share their pain. When their heart can’t contain it, they feel committing suicide will help.

            I believe we are matured enough and we should know that in the process of being open, we should not accept every advice. We should learn to discern. Some advice can ruin one’s life so we should be very careful. So we should be able to make right decisions. Also let it be that people whom we confide in are people who will be of great help to us; people who are matured in thinking, people whose lives can be used as good examples in the society. Do not be misled in the process of being open. BE OPEN AND BE WISE.

BEAUTY FADES

“Call me beauty; I am black and beautiful, cutie cutie, Arewa, pretty baby…..” Those are words from some ladies. They just believe the greatest asset they've got is their beauty. I LAUGH

            Beauty is the quality of being pleasing to the senses or to the mind; a pleasing feature. In this article I will like to talk about the outer beauty.

            Years back when I was in primary school, my Yoruba teacher taught a topic titled “Oge Sise Ni Ile Yoruba” meaning “Fashion in Yoruba Land”. During his teaching he mentioned a statement which I will never forget; he said “Oge ma n sii” meaning “Beauty Fades”. 

As a lady, take your time to look at your physical feature carefully, you will realize that does features are not always the same year after year. You notice that sometimes you will appear very beautiful and another time you won’t be very beautiful.

            Remember you grow from being a girl to a lady, from a lady to a woman and then to an aged person. Your beauty can never be the same through this period. I will say that you should not let your outer feature get into your head. Many ladies now spend more time in front of the mirror trying to apply make up to look very beautiful. I am not saying it is bad to make up, because we have our preferences. But I will advice you take more time to develop the inner beauty. Do not let your beauty be of the outward appearance only.

            Beautify the real you inside of you. I understand that some of our ladies out there apply these make up all because they want to look attractive to the opposite sex. Take a look at the opposite sex. How many times do they you see a guy doing this. As virtuous ladies we should think more of leading the revolution. We should think more about how to improve the society, nation and the world.

Think about it virtuous ladies; take a look at the great women of this generation. See how they have made impacts. There is time for everything. Think about your future and the children you will bring forth. When you take time to develop your inner beauty, it will overwhelm your outer beauty. Make a great difference with your personality. Don’t forget, BEAUTY FADES  

YOUR IDENTITY

As a lady, you should be able to identify yourself; you should know what stuff you are made of and know who you really are.

            We are now in a wild world, a world full of false identities. As a lady of virtue and honour, you should be able to say who you are, you should be able to identify yourself in the multitude. Your identity is very important.

            Discovering yourself is a key to achieving your purpose on earth. I will like you to ask yourself this question WHO AM I? Think deeply about the answer before you respond. Sometimes we are not who we really think we are. Sometimes we are actually someone else.

            I have actually come to realize that many ladies out there don’t really know who they really are; it took me time before I found out my identity too. Because they don’t know who they are that is the reason why they act and behave the way they do.

 

The first thing you need to realize is that you are a child of God. Anyone who is a child of God can never encounter any mishap or mayhem. No matter the name people call you or the false identity that people have known you with. You are still God’s child. I don’t care if you have been raped, molested, abused, rejected, addressed a prostitute, slept with a hundred men….. You can still be a better person. You can still be the world’s greatest

            Never look down on yourself because of what you have encountered in the past. Take a bold step of making a change today; know your identity; Build that Identity. Learn to confess regularly who you are to yourself. For instance

                                                I am a great woman

                                                   A woman of great purpose

A virtuous woman

Mother of the nation

I bring forth leaders of tomorrow

I will never make mistake

I am a good example

I am a chosen one

I triumph in knowledge with God’s direction

I am created to produce good works….

            You can say many of these beautiful words to yourself. Find/discover who you are. When you discover who you are then you can achieve your purpose. WHAT IS YOUR IDENTITY?

SCREAM OUT!!!!!

Recall the last post titled ‘’Emotions’’. What do you really do when you are in trouble? I realize that majority of the ladies always keep quiet when they find themselves in horrible situations. For instance, a lady who visits a friend (guy) innocently and the guy overpowers her and rapes her will likely keep quiet about her encounter and keep it all to herself.

To scream is to give a loud, high cry because you are hurt, frightened or excited. To scream out is to be in need of attention in a very noticeable way. Screaming to me is beyond shouting or giving a loud cry; to me it’s speaking out (crying out).
            I understand that many ladies out there can be scared to scream for fear of being criticized by people and also because they feel people will think ill of them. Many times we often
find ourselves in some places or some bad situations and we really wish we could talk to someone about it or even cry out but due to fear we cry inside instead of crying out. I realize that if we scream out, we feel much better.

            Screaming can be connected to different situations. Remember in my last post where I shared a story about how I started developing strong feeling of love for a guy. I had to cry out to my mentors by reporting myself to them,telling them how I was feeling. My screaming out helped me because they were able to caution me and advise me but if had kept quiet, they wouldn't have been able to help me because they won’t know what I was going through. Remember also that I spoke to some Christian sisters about it and they also told me what to do.

Some ladies are victims                       of sexual molestation but because of fear they refuse to speak to anyone about it. How long are you going to live in fear? Many ladies self esteem has been destroyed because of the things that people have done to them. I was also like this some years back, I don’t like to fight, I always find myself in unpleasant situations but I wouldn't talk to anyone about it until I couldn't bear it again. I always do that because I had low self esteem and I didn't know what response I will get from people when I tell them. Most times, I always lock up and cry but I realize later I was hurting more because I was silent.

           Don’t keep quiet, SCREAM. If you are out there and you are being abused sexually, beaten, cursed or molested by anyone, CRY OUT. Learn to speak to people you trust and those who have authority over you. Don’t let that situation destroy your life (destiny).

Know that, speaking out makes you stronger, you don’t have anything to lose when you scream out to the right people. Speaking out builds your self esteem, gives you courage and boldness to move on. You are not in that situation alone; learn to confide in people who will be of great help to you.

Above all, remember God your creator, He will never forsake you. He is the present help in times of trouble. A closed mouth is a closed destiny. SCREAM OUT

EMOTIONS

         A strong feeling such as love, fear, hatred, disgust or anger; the part of a person’s character that consists of feelings.

      An alternative definition of emotion is a positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity.

      Physiology of emotion is closely linked to arousal of the nervous system with various states and strengths of arousal relating apparently to particular emotions.

            Ladies, it’s time to talk, personally I have realized that it takes grace and self discipline to deal with this thing called emotions.

            Women are emotional being, we get connected with people and things easily. We are easily moved by many things. I understand that some women have trained themselves in such a way that their emotions do not show but that doesn't mean that their emotions are dead. There is still a part that still feels something.

It doesn't necessary mean that you can only have emotions for the opposite sex because a lot of ladies often get confused when issues like this are discussed. Your emotions can be connected to a lot of things apart from the opposite sex.

            From the definition above, a strong feeling; it is possible to have a strong feeling for your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, pet etc. Now the type of strong feeling (love, fear, anger, hatred) one have now depend on the individual.

            In this article, I will like to talk about our emotions towards the opposite sex. How do you feel when you sight a young guy that looks very attractive to you? How are you able to hold yourself when the young man walks up to you and says "hello", or "when a guy winks at you".

I understand that a lot of ladies can actually pretend as if they do not feel anything. Don’t misquote me, I am not saying that when you see a guy that you are attracted to that you should jump at him. Am only saying that we can’t continue to shy away or run from our feelings, we have to face it and deal with it.

            How can we really deal with our emotions in situations like this? I will tell you a story about myself.

Once upon a time, I met a young man who doesn't physically appeal to me but along the line while we got talking, I noticed that I started developing very strong feelings of love for this young man. I couldn't help it, it seems like all I ever want is to be with young man at all time. I always feel like chatting with him and talking to him on the phone but I really had to caution myself.

It looked odd for me to have strong feelings of love for someone I barely know. I had to report myself to my mentors. I also had to be sure of myself, I had to take time to take my time to also find out the things that made me get too emotional about this young man. My mentors all told me to be careful and caution myself. I realized later that the more we talked, the more I was getting very emotional with him.

            The most painful part of this story is that the young man in question isn't  attracted to me one bit. Most times when we chat I am always the one who starts a conversation, he sees me as just a friend and nothing more,not even a close one(a close friend). It was painful, its like falling for the wrong person. I was really struggling and fighting with my emotions. I started praying to God to take the thoughts of this young man off my mind. I told myself that this just cant continue. I spoke to a couple of Christian sisters about and they advised me to get myself busy with something and that in no time I will get over this young man. It worked. Gradually, I began to let go of this young man in my heart. I realize that because its been a while I got so close to a guy that was the reason why I was now so emotional about him.

           One of the sisters actually told me that something actually might have attracted me to him unconsciously but I might not have noticed.

Same goes for other single ladies out there, its possible for something to have attracted us to that guy and we might have not noticed. When we notice such feelings we should take guard.Taking guard doesn't necessarily mean that you should run away from the opposite sex like some ladies would do. Sometimes running away doesn't help because you might end up running into the arms of another without knowing. You can be friends with them but let your friendship be defined. Create boundaries and limits. Be careful of the words you use during your conversations so that you won’t send a wrong message to the person in question. Always ensure that everything you say isn't misunderstood (ensure it sends the right meaning).

            Having emotions isn't bad; it is our inability to manage our emotions that makes things worse. We can always get hold of that feeling; inability to, is what leads us into doing stuffs that are not right. Sometimes it might be a temptation or test. We really have to be careful not to fall. The moment we fall it destroys and delays our destiny. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (GNT)”

Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to test, He will give you the strength to endure it and also provide you with a way out” (KJV) says that He will make a way of escape.

            God always provide a way of escape. Many times we might feel there is no route of escape but there is. I also know as a lady that there are times when we really crave for the touch of a man, during times like that we sometimes feel like having sex and this is due to some hormonal response in our body. I salute courageous ladies out there who take very great measures to caution themselves from getting into trouble. At this time it is not advisable for a lady to be too close to a man because she could be tempted. A lady needs to watch her relationship with the opposite sex at this time. We cant afford to be too close at this time. Some of these guys are wolfs and will like to take advantage of us at this time. Be careful not to arouse any unusual/unnecessary feelings.

            I also realize that some ladies are always eager to go into another relationship after heartbreak. You know the men of nowadays; they will like to settle for a lady of virtue, someone who they can  trust but if you fling yourself cheaply at them they will treat you cheaply too. Haven’t you realized that when you jump from one relationship to another, it doesn't last; before you know it that relationship breaks too. Take your time and settle for the best and nothing less.

I am happy to be a lady and I know you are also happy to be one. It’s time we fight that emotion, we should not allow our emotions to take the better part of us. Maintain that Integrity, we deserve to be respected because we are the mothers of tomorrow’s leaders. I love you all......CHEERS