LOVING THE WRONG ONE

I keep wondering why we young ladies fall in love with men who do not match our kind of personality. I realize that ladies tend to release their emotions to whosoever is giving them attention…

As a young lady, I can say that it is very possible to fall in love with someone you do not know or see often. This only happens due to our emotions… we are emotional beings…I say to myself often that if God didn’t create women to be emotional, many of us will not be submissive…most times its because of what we feel for our partners that makes us obey them and submit to them. God is indeed very great.

I realize that the moment we start getting attention from the wrong person we get carried away easily…we begin to use words like “oh he swept me off my feet”…. Our heart is fragile so we believe people easily, most especially the opposite sex. Sometimes we give in to them so easily without considering the adverse effect of our emotional actions.

I can sincerely tell you that I have loved so many wrongly in the past. Loving the wrong person won’t make you realize the presence of the right person because the only person you see at that time is the wrong person.

Women love blindly, a lot of us love to a fault.  Many times, we do not see anything wrong in the person we are in love with. We follow them obediently like a sheep will follow the shepherd. Majority of our young girls/ladies today are victims of loving wrongly. The ones who are quick to realize they are in love with the wrong person pull out quickly while the ones who do not realize this error end up getting married to the wrong one.

Such marriage will only be full of regrets and words like “oh had I known”. I do not blame the ladies who fall in love with the wrong one because no one is above mistakes. I can write about this today because I have been a victim of loving wrongly. I understand that sometimes many ladies try to endure the pain and adjust to the relationship at their own expense, this is indeed very dangerous.

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE WRONG MAN

** A wrong man is a man who makes you unhappy most of the time… you are seldom happy whenever you are around him..

** A wrong man is a man who complains, nags, quarrels and fights with you whenever you are with him…he is never satisfied with what you do…he is never pleased with you.

** A wrong man is a man who doesn’t see you in his future, whenever he talks about the future, you are never in the picture…BEWARE

** A wrong man is a man who cannot share his plans with you, he doesn’t see you as a great asset, and he doesn’t see anything good in you.

** A wrong man is a man who sees you as a sex tool when you see him as a husband. All he is after is your body and how he can take pleasure with it.

** A wrong man is a man who is not interested in knowing whatever you are going through emotionally, financially, physically and psychologically

** A wrong man is a man who sees you as an option. He is only with you because you are meeting some of his needs.

CONSEQUENCES OF LOVING THE WRONG ONE

** You end up hurting everyday of your life…..when you are not happy in a relationship, you become very sad and sorrowful.

** You end up disturbed, destabilized and wrecked emotionally….

** You end up closing your heart to people come afterwards because of the pain you went through with the wrong one

** You may end up missing the right one during the period of engaging in a relationship with the wrong one.

Note that men are professional actors… you have to be very careful when dealing with them. Some men do not actually show signs that they are the wrong ones until you have gotten so deep with them.

My advice: take your time, do not be in a rush, take it slow and steady, study him, test him, and provoke him to know his temperament, ask questions, study and read his moods whenever you are with him. Learn to think deeply and do not take things for granted.

I conclude this article with this: Always set the Lord God before you in everything you do. He alone is able to see clearly a man’s heart. Go before Him in prayers and present every matter before Him.

I understand that most times we (ladies) could have pleased ourselves by listening to our minds before consulting God but I say it is never too late to pull out of every wrong relationship. If you are involved with the wrong one, pull out now before it is too late. Ask God for wisdom and I know He will direct you.

If you are already married to the wrong one… ask God to forgive you and help you mend your marriage and your ways. Pray to Him to touch the heart of your husband. Remember God hates divorce.

In all dear sisters, we should not allow our emotions to cloud our judgments and choices in deciding on relationships…Thanks for reading. I care.

A SECOND OPTION

In Nigeria, there are materials/items we refer to as second hand. These items/materials are called second hand because they have been used by someone or an organization or a company for a period and after a while, the materials/items are disposed and sold at a cheaper price to someone else or to another company or organization. So we have second hand clothes, second hand cars, second hand shoes…etc.

            Usually people, organizations or companies go for these items because they are cheaper, because they can’t afford a first class item/material. There is a funny mentality in Nigeria that makes people say that second hand materials lasts longer than materials that has never been used before.

            An option is something that you can choose to have or do. An option is a choice. An experience prompts me to write this article. Nowadays, I see that some ladies are treated as second hand materials by men and the society. Women are treated as second hand by their husbands; the poor are treated as second hand by their nation. This is not meant to be.

            I will be sharing the experience of a lady with you. She was lonely and bored for days, deep in her heart she feels depressed and she said to herself that she needs a company. She wasn’t looking for a relationship per se, she was looking for a friend, someone new whom she can share her thoughts with and not be bored.

            Not long, she met a guy, initially they became just friends, and they talked at length and shared past experiences with each other. She explained to the guy that she had been hurt by guys and that she feels lonely. The guy told her that he is in a relationship with a lady but distance, time and parent factor has separated them. He said he also feels lonely and needs company.

The guy said they should date not minding that there is another lady somewhere, he promised her that he will fill up the space in her heart and make her happy again.

            They started dating but not long after the lady started noticing that the guy has a nonchalant attitude towards her. In summary, he cares less. It seems the guy is always nice to her in words and attitude when he wants something from her. She was hurting; he was always dropping her calls and snapping at her, he gets angry at any little thing she does and can go days without talking to her, I thought love is meant to be good but it wasn't so in this case. She complained several time but there were no changes.

            Then it dawned on her that she is a second hand material to the guy. No little reason why he treats her in such manner. He has another option somewhere so he doesn't mind if she stays or leave. She blamed herself for stupidly accepting his offer and falling in love with him.

            So many ladies are being treated as second option. Some of them endure and they eventually end up marrying the man and still continue to be a second hand material or second option.

            No esteem, no love, no respect, nothing… you are being used and then end up as a filthy rag. This affects your emotion and then frustrates you.

            Ladies, it’s time to stand against being used as a second option, I understand that sometimes, our mood and emotions can lead us to make some stupid decisions but it’s never late to correct our paths, it’s never late to mend it, we need to act fast cause it is all about us.

            As for me ladies, my prayer is that God directs to my path, that man whose rib I was created. That man who will love me unconditionally, the man who will care for me, that man who will stay with me, in trying and difficult times, the man who will respect me and stand with me against all odds. The one who loves God and a doer of God’s word, a man after God’s heart, that’s the kind of man I pray for you ladies out there too.

            Let us refuse to be cheated, lied to, beaten, abused, rejected, isolated and used as a second option or a second hand material, we can make a change if we determine to…Cheers

A STORY TO LEARN FROM (THE FIRST VISIT)

A story of a young girl whose life changed after a painful experience; I know that we have different categories of ladies. There are some who have already taken pain as their lifestyle and have refused to learn, there are some who intentionally go through pain for selfish reasons while some have allowed the pains they go through to change their life and make them better women.

            “I will always get away with all I do, who says I can’t eat my cake and have it at the same time, it my time joor” these and more were Sade’s reply to her friends.

Sade a young lady in her early twenties embraced the rough part of life and got addicted to it. She really loves to explore and hang out with friends. She was never scared of getting into trouble because she believes she can never have any problem in her dealing with people especially the opposite sex.

            The social network exposed her more as she made new friends (mostly guys) and was ready to go out on dates with them. Although she has heard stories about girls visiting guys they met on social networks and getting into trouble such as being raped or being killed but she was so confident that such can’t happen to her.

            On this fateful day, she received a call from a family friend who resides in Lagos. The conversation went thus:

Sade: Hello good evening

Caller: Good evening, please am I speaking to Sade

Sade: yes please who am I speaking to?

Caller: it’s me Bayo

Sade: Bayo!! Which Bayo please

Caller: well Bayo, Mrs Adeoti’s son

Sade: OMG!! Am so sorry, didn’t know it’s you, how are you and how is everyone over there.

Bayo: we are all fine, it’s been a while, I collected your number from someone close.

Sade: well that’s great but hope all is well, the last time I saw you, I was still in secondary school (junior class) at that.

Bayo: well, you are right and am sure you must be a big girl now

Sade: chuckles, if you say so

Bayo: I would really like to say, I have a busy schedule here in Lagos, if you don’t mind can I invite you over to my place one of these weekends.

Sade: hmmm, it’s alright I will come

Bayo: really, that will be great, can’t wait to see you again.

Sade: smiles

Bayo: thanks so much, allow me call you back later please.

Sade: it’s alright, take care

Bayo: ok, bye. Talk to you later

Sade: Bye

            Hmmm…just like that, Sade agreed to go to Lagos, immediately she dropped the call, she starts thinking about what she will tell people around her, so they won’t discourage or stop her from going. She is very good at fabricating stories so before long, she came up with one.

Bayo called back and fixed the next weekend for their visit. Sade agreed but instructed Bayo that none of her family members must hear about it since she won’t be going home and he agreed without any objection.

            Sade got to the pack to board a bus going to Lagos, her hearts beats continually, but her mind was made up; though something tells her she was doing something wrong. When she got to Lagos, she was able to locate the house easily. She was warmly welcomed by Bayo who has gotten everything set to welcome Sade. She saw very happy. Of course that’s what she likes.

Sade dropped her bag and freshened up; she ate and then decided to have a conversation with Bayo to be sure of why he invited her over. As she conversed with Bayo, she noticed that his eyes were running all over her body and he was always trying to move close at every opportunity. He told her how beautiful she is and that the reason why he invited her over was because he wants to start something serious with.

            “I am not getting any younger and I need a decent and intelligent lady, I have searched but I believe you are the perfect jewel for me, I have always admired you since you were in secondary school and I know you will be a wonderful mother to my kids”. Those were his words.

            As Sade was about to utter a word, he touched her lips and carried her to his room.“Wait, wait, stop let me say something”, it was already late, he pounced on her like a hungry lion who has just found its prey and he had sex with her. Oh my God, Sade was crying inside, how can this happen to me?Why did he do this?she couldn’t cry out because it was late. The deed had been done.

            She thought within herself, I shouldn’t have come. The following day, she begged Bayo to get her a pill so she won’t get pregnant because she wasn’t sure she was safe. Sade returned back to school that same day and couldn’t tell anyone what she went through, she had earlier said she was going to redemption camp, so she just lied and said the program was fine.

Weeks after Sade added a lot of weigh, she became very uncomfortable, most of the time, and her friends teased her about her weight. She was now becoming scared. She was waiting for her monthly period to prove her pregnancy thoughts wrong but her period delayed.

            Some days later, she spotted for just a day, she became very worried, and why was her period not flowing? She couldn’t help it so she got test strips and did a pregnancy home test only to find out that she was pregnant. Her head rang, what will people say about her? This can’t be happening; she didn’t know who to run to; she was shaking and sobbing quietly.

            Two days later, she was at a hospital. The doctor did necessary tests and told her she was 1 month and I week pregnant. What will she do, she was very scared. She had never aborted before but she has heard a lot of stories about abortion and its pains.

The doctor pointed at a door and asked her to go in. she went in sluggishly and stood. “Remove your pants”he said, she did and he showed her where to lie.

            The doctor brought out sterilized instruments and asked her to spread her legs wide open and be calm. She was shaking and sobbing. As the instruments entered through her virgina, she screamed, the pain was becoming intense; tears flowed freely down her eyes; she felt like she was going to die because the pain was unbearable.

            She couldn’t call any name, she stared at the roof of the room, then she remembered how she has messed up her life in the past months, risking her life and being careless with it. She began to scream “OH LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME; AM VERY SORRY”

            By this time the instrument were going in and out of her and she felt her back was about to be crushed. Some minutes later, the doctor told her, he is through and that she can stand up; that was when she realizes that she was still alive. The doctor helped her to stand up and gave her pills to use.Immediately she got out of the room, the nurses at the reception were all saying sorry to her. She couldn’t smile; her eyes were wet with tears.

            She left the hospital premises promising God that she will never go back to sin again. She lost her first baby. A very painful experience for her;When she got home, she realized she was bleeding, she was scared to death. She was really in pains.

            To some of the ladies out there, I understand that some have faced worse things than Sade,while some have not gotten to this level but are treading the path. Some have passed through fire and have been burnt beyond recognition. But the most important thing is that one should learn from these experiences.

It was her first visit. Her first visit to the guys place, her first to the hospital for an abortion. The first visit can be your last visit if you are not being careful, the first visit can destroy your life and it an even lead to death.Some people’s life has been totally shattered due to a first visit. BEWARE.

whatever you are doing now and you know it is not right, whatever you are doing and you know can destroy your life...stop in time before it is too late...lastly let us all learn from our mistakes... 

GUARD YOUR HEART!!!

The heart is the organ in the chest that sends blood around the body, usually on the left part of humans. The heart is a place in a person where feelings and emotions are thought to be especially those connected with love. The heart is an important part of the human body.

            To guard your heart is to be very careful and prepare your heart in case of danger; it is to watch and protect your heart from any danger. For instance a soldier is someone in the army; they protect and guard their territory (barrack) at all times. They are always at alert in case there is any danger. Also, a boxer is always on guard (in a position to defend himself).

            As ladies, we should always guard our heart, some men are like wolves in sheep clothing, they come to us pretending to be a sheep but end up destroying us like a wolf will destroy its prey. We need to be vigilant and careful.

            We need to always be on guard, many men out there believe that the direct access to ladies is to find a place in their heart. They understand that we are emotional and they know when they get to our heart, they can defeat us. They speak nicely to us and try to tell us lovely things, they throw some unnecessary questions at us and sometimes we fall for them.

            Let us remember that our heart is not a toy that should be played with, it is a part of our body that needs to be handled with care. If we do not guard our hearts, we will end up going from one relationship to another. Do not allow anyone to sweet talk you into doing what you don’t want to do. Be at alert like the soldiers at the war front, be careful what you hear or listen to because the ear is a direct route to our heart, be careful what you watch, don’t allow anyone cajole or mislead you.

            Some talks are cheap, if you give away your heart carelessly, you will end up losing it prematurely, this will make you unstable emotionally and you know it will go a long way in affecting you psychologically. Guard your heart with all jealousy, be the Author of your heart, decide what goes in and comes out of it. Don’t allow your emotions to be tampered with. GUARD YOUR HEART!!!